“All men are bastards and if you forget it they will remind you.”

There are countless men that have come and gone; just don’t ask me to name them all because I won’t remember their names. Out of all these men there has been a beginning and an end. The key factor in an unsuccessful relationship is the end. If there is never an end you’re you are either extremely unhappy or in a successful relationship. Some relationships are so terrible that you learn something; some relationships are so wonderful that you learn nothing. The bad ones, the ones that truly make you want to punch a wall, are the greatest and let me tell you why.

Branden, the most remembered out of all those countless men. I will forever know his name, even if I am struck with a tragedy that causes amnesia. Branden is known for the flowers, candy, and love notes. Sounds like a catch? Hardly; these gifts only followed after competitive screaming matches over meaningless disagreements. What did I learn from this two year vacation from reality? Everything I need to know about men.

Men lie, men cheat, men can rarely be trusted. Throughout this tale you should remember that there are exceptions to the rules; but you must know what is the rule and what is the exception. Men lie, men cheat, men can never be trusted- the rule. “But, my cousin Becky is dating this incredible gentleman from San Diego, they’ve been together since the second grade!”- the exception. Let’s be honest ladies, because this is all about honesty, men are bastards and we must never forget it. This wisdom (or bitterness) can all be achieved by a Branden.

During a relationship with Branden your heart will be torn, your perception of reality will be warped, and yet you will still keep your eyes fixated on him. Once the relationship is over the hypnosis will not yet be broken; it isn’t until you spend an incredible night out on the town with your girlfriends that you will achieve your single glow and become enlightened. There is life after death.

You must think of an awful relationship like Plato’s Allegory of the Cave. A prisoner sits in the darkness of a cave chained to the wall. He has been there for so long that he no longer knows about anything other than the dancing shadows in front of him. One day this prisoner is able to break free. He turns around and notices the shadows are simply projections from a fire and puppets. Suddenly, his reality is altered. The prisoner is intrigued and continues to walk out of the cave. The prisoner notices and light at the end of the tunnel. He follows it. As he gets closer he realizes soon that he is outside. The light so bright hurts his eyes. The prisoner then wants nothing more than to go back into the darkness. As he goes back everything seems idiotic, unwise, and fake. He then decides he’d rather be outside of the cave in the light of reality than in the dark shadows of ignorance.

Now, this may be bitterness but I would rather look at it as enlightenment. Seeing couples reminds me of nothing more than sitting in the cave looking at the shadows on the wall. Leaving a relationship is like walking towards the light; sometimes it hurts to see reality so you go back to that person; but, once you leave the cave you remember how much better it is to be single than watching the shadows on the wall.

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4 thoughts on ““All men are bastards and if you forget it they will remind you.”

  1. Pingback: Recycled | C'est la vie

  2. Pingback: Recycled: “All men are bastards and if you forget it they will remind you.” | C'est la vie

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