“What the f**k was I thinking?”

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Sometimes I look back at the men I’ve dated and I think to myself, what was I thinking? “Seriously, what the f**k?” But it’s O.K. We all make mistakes and we learn from them. Dating is so heavily emphasized within all our media outlets  It’s almost programmed in us to date, get married, and have kids. This is THEE AMERICAN DREAM. It is said that our lives are “complete” only after meeting our perfect match. A typical line from any Meg Ryan romance comedy: “Until you showed up, I could feel something was missing but now you fill that void. I am complete.” So why is it bad to have romance heavily emphasized within our media? Because it creates this sense that someone is less than whole (not complete) unless they have a significant other. There is so much stress in finding the perfect mate that we will subject ourselves to dating all the wrong people. Then, forcing ourselves to make it feel right when in reality they’re scum.

Think critically and ask yourself, “Am I dating this person because I love them or because I want to be in love?” There is a difference. If you are in a relationship and you truly love that person, good for you. I am happy for you. However, if you are dating someone simply because you have this desire to be loved and be in love… you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons. You need to love yourself before love can find you. Instead of focusing on finding the perfect mate focus on you. Once you are happy with yourself and discover who you really are then all the right people will follow. Become more spiritual, expand your mind, and travel.

Spirituality:

Spirituality does not necessarily mean find god, visit religious temples, and pray. To become spiritual you are simply finding life’s quest. Ask your self these questions: “Who am I?” “What got me here?” “What is my purpose?” Don’t just settle when asking yourself. Think about it deeply and question what others have told you. Spend some time alone with your thoughts. All of this will help develop your spirituality. All of this will help you become a better you.

Expand your Mind:

The only limitations that we have are the ones that we set for ourselves. Don’t ever tell yourself that you cannot do something because all is possible. Find passion in all subjects: art, science, math, and social studies. Our talents may not necessarily be within them all; but, find an appreciation for all academics. This will allow you to have an open mind. Close minded people set themselves up with hurdles and road blocks. If you tear down those walls and open yourself up to the entire world of academia you can run more freely.

Travel:

See the world. This will open life up to so many possibilities. Experiencing new cultures and seeing new places helps you discover your inner you. It is thought provoking to be in an unfamiliar place. You don’t need to travel far and you don’t need to stay long. A simple weekend get away allows you to detach yourself from the norm and focus on yourself. Don’t run from your problems but create space to allow thought to flow more freely.

After all this, it shouldn’t even matter whether or not you find the perfect mate because you have already established the perfect relationship with yourself. The only person you are forced to spend the rest of your life with is you, everyone else is a choice. Make that the relationship that counts. If you happen to find love serendipitously then that’s just a perk.

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2 thoughts on ““What the f**k was I thinking?”

  1. I absolutely love this post. It’s so important that people know the importance of finding themselves and doing their own thing. Finding “the one,” or the several other “the one(s),” shouldn’t be anyone’s only and first priority. You really need to search for yourself first.

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