Out of all the things desired in the world, the one thing I desire is nothingness. Continuing to drive until the city rests far behind me. It is not much of a city as it is. Surrounded by mountains a simple resort oasis for the elite to hideaway on a weekend get-a-way. As for the rest of us? The mountains trap souls and inhibit the talents of those residing individuals. What is peaceful to some is suffocating to others. And for this very reason, I drive.
Looking back in my rear view I see all that is left behind me; which also happens to be what lies ahead. I know if I keep on driving I will eventually end up in a desolate desert; as opposed to a non-desolate desert. I will be exactly where I want to be and far, far, far away from my problems.
I have arrived.
The hissing of rattlesnakes buzz in my ears as I open the door. Terrified of nothing, I step out and climb to the top of the mountain peaking in front of me. I like to climb mountains. When I get to the top I always feel as though I can do anything. Up there, it’s just me. When in the clouds nothing below matters. It’s a powerful feeling being in the sky. This is how I know heaven is up above; it’s the feeling of security when detached from life on earth. That’s what heaven is. Heaven is not the romanticized place in which you read about in books or see in movies. Heaven is here, at the very top of this mountain.
As my voice echoes off the valley walls I am no longer a person running from my problems but a person shouting for help without a soul to hear me. As the ecstasy and empowerment turns into loneliness, I climb back down.
Back in my car the radio is loud. Music of yesterday’s youth plays. The windows down and the hot air blows my curls in all directions.
The most painful part of driving to nowhere is having to drive back to your problems. For my problems will never disappear. Running from them only leaves me driving back with the sun in my eyes and my ego torn.