I walk on the bottom of the ocean
Staring up and looking at your reflection

All things blurred in the water
As the souls are purified with salt

I walk on the bottom of the ocean
The seas massive walls surrounding me

Walking deep into the dark unwater valleys
And lost in all things translucent

Brought back to shore
Brought back to crashing waves
The pain of a new breath being taken

The sunlight aches
The air stings

Desire for nothing more
Than to be back on the bottom of the ocean floor


Fallen Warriors of Love

judy-garland-in-a-star-is-born-directed-by-george-cukor-1954When hearing stories about great loves it almost seems like a fairy tale. Everything appears to be magical. Kathy and Mark met in their mid twenties, dated for a week, got married, and two weeks ago celebrated their twenty-sixth wedding anniversary in Palm Springs. “After only one week, I asked her to marry me.” -Mark said. They experienced their forth date at the beach. Kathy turned around to look at the ocean as Mark was admiring her beauty. “At this moment I knew she was the love of my life.” Mark got down on one knee and asked for Kathy’s hand. Twenty-six years later I’m here in Palm Springs hearing the two reminisce the greatest moments of their marriage.  Baffled by the fact any relationship could be so perfect I asked the couple, “What is the secrete to a long lasting relationship?” Kathy and Mark were holding each other’s hands turned and looked each other in the eyes, smiled, then gave me this response, “compromise and understanding.” It seems simple enough. Any diplomatic action can be resolved with those characteristics at the foundation.

Unfortunately not everyone is a Mark and Kathy. Not all great love stories end like this fairy tale. What Kathy and Mark have is truly special. Knowing this is important. However, hearing all these glorious tales make not-so-glorious relationships last longer than they should, in hopes that they are a Mark and Kathy. Smoke in mirrors creating an illusion of happiness only to result in a tragedy. The one thing love doesn’t have is a warning label. “Warning: the emotions you are about to engage in will cause moments of euphoria but when taken away have the severe and at times fatal side effects.” And when in disbelief of this warning you can refer to any of love’s fallen warriors: Marilyn Monroe, Judy Garland, and Vincent van Gogh.

The woman who had everything or so it perceived to be. The body of a goddess and the fame envied by all. Miss Monroe captured the hearts of any man who ever saw her, athletes and the president. Even with everything she felt as though she had nothing. This controversial death took place in a time when Marilyn’s love life seemed to continue to go unfulfilled. “I have to many fantasies to become a housewife. I guess I am a fantasy.” -Marilyn Monroe… A fantasy held by a woman every girl fantasies to be.

We were all young once sitting in the living room watching Judy Garland go from a sophia toned screen to colored images in a land that was “somewhere over the rainbow.” “As for my feelings toward ‘Over the Rainbow,’ it’s become part of my life. It is so symbolic of all my dreams and wishes that I’m sure that’s why people sometimes get tears in their eyes when they hear it.” -Judy Garland. Three months after marrying her fifth husband, Mickey Deans, Garland was found dead from a drug overdose. This tragedy occurred in the 1960’s but her personal troubles began in the early 1940’s after her marriage David Rose ended in 1944.

Known for falling in love with vulnerable women in hopes that he would be their knight in shinning armor, Vincent van Gogh went to all the extremes to express and maintain his passionate feelings for the love of his life. He was a intrigued with concept of love, famously quoted saying, “Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.” Van Gogh is another tragic love story, not quiet fantasy, resulting in the amputation of his ear and attempted suicide.

Love can bring you down just as quickly as it can pick you up. Love is the blood diamond of emotions, beautiful and worth so much but at times dangerously sought after and maintained. The fallen warriors of love are examples of this tragic emotion. Kathy and Mark are an example of its beauty. When seeking love think of its beauty but do not forget its darkness.


“Judy Garland, 47, Found Dead.” New York Times. 23 June 1969. http://www.nytimes.com/books/00/04/09/specials/garland-obit.html

“Vincent van Gogh Biography.” bio True Story. http://www.biography.com/people/vincent-van-gogh-9515695

“Marilyn Monroe.” Good Reads. http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/82952.Marilyn_Monroe

“Caught in a Bad Romance”

rain_is_the_newest_fashion_by_ronaaaWe took a cab to Marble Arch and I walked the rest of the way home, only four blocks south. The sun was peeking through the horizon and the wind crisply blew down the quiet streets of London. We had spent the entire night sipping on one to many cocktails and listening to jazz. When I got back to my flat I plopped myself down on the bed, shoes left on, and slept until the early afternoon. It was never anything more than that. Each night started with cocktails, turned into jazz, and ended with me sleeping until noon. And now it’s a different man, different city, different music, but the same routine. Romance is dead. But really who is to blame? People tend to find comfort within the mundane. Unromantic adventures become ordinary, as romance itself seems to be fictional fantasy. Just like anything else in life you have to break the routine and take a chance. In order to find what you want you have to give up something that you have. If you want romantic adventures you have to give up the comforts of the unromantic. I have learned this lesson not by experience but by secondhand accounts. Continuing on with two secondhand stories of great risks followed by great ardor…

When I Return
She already had her heart broken terribly at a young age, left by the father of her child and kick out of her home. At eighteen she was a single mother and living on her own. It would only be fair if she led a life of loathing towards men but this tragic event only made her stronger and eventually led to amnesty. Her daughter turned eight when she began chatting online with a friend of a friend. This chit chat led to an in person meeting which was still filled with all the chemistry that was there in cyber space. There was only one problem. She had to leave for Texas. Leaving the state for over two years would make this relationship nearly impossible. When she told her love what had to be done his response was, “if you still love me when you return I want to marry you.” One year turned to two, two to three, three to home. When she returned she decided that she could not stop thinking about this man. They married and years later their love stays strong.

Stuck in the Rain
The rain made it hard to see the roads. Pouring down on the streets it was impossible to see in this pitch black storm. Down the way was a dim light of a bar. She pulled over to wait out the storm. Sitting at a table just behind her was a group of men. One of the men bought her a drink, but she refused. He was baffled by this so he approached her. When he sat down at her table he chatted her up. Not only making conversation but also making her blush. She accepted the drink and an invite to dinner. When the rain cleared she had made her way back to her car. Instead of heading towards where she was going, she turned back home. It would be many dozen roses and years later that the man learned the destination in which she was heading, her (now ex) fiancée’s house. That moment at the bar she took a chance and fell for romance. She escaped the mundane.

Sometimes we have to stop blaming the people we are with and start evaluating ourselves. If you are in a relationship that lost its fire do something about it, take a chance. I have no one to blame but myself for falling into the same routine. We each have a choice… to either stay in a pattern of comfort or reach out for what is truly wanted. In a world of seven billion people, I’m sure with time you can find just what you’re looking for.